Female Friendships
Have you ever heard the saying, “I just get along better with guys” come out of a female’s mouth before?
I mean, don’t get me wrong… I’ve definitely said that before. Growing up with brothers and sisters, my brothers were always WAY easier to deal with! LOL (no offense sisters - I love you guys so much)… but truly. It’s just a different relationship. Sometimes, it’s an easier relationship. But the thing is… us females NEED female relationships! Trust me!
Family First? Huh?
I grew up with 5 sisters and 4 brothers, so trust me when I say that I was completely oblivious to the whole “family is forever” or “family comes first” sayings… I just didn’t get it! I mean, I was always so surrounded by family and finally had FRIENDS that I could CHOOSE (and wasn’t forced) to hangout with… friends my age that I actually LIKED who were way more fun to be around at the time.
But now that I’m 27 years old, I see the meaning behind “family first” and all the things I used to get told. This is something I hope to pass on to my beautiful nieces (pictured with me), although I do hope they find great friends along life’s journey as well!
Friendship & family is all about balance and a healthy perspective. That’s what I’m here to share with you today :)
Friends Are Seasonal, It’s Not Personal
I’ve learned that there are friends (girls) that you become close with over the years, but you guys slowly drift apart throughout different seasons of life... which is totally normal and healthy! Honestly, we need to teach younger people (and everyone in general) that it’s ok/normal to eventually drift away from friends you were once close with. It doesn’t mean something bad happened, it just means the seasons changed & they’re not really physically around you anymore - so you drift... and that’s okay. That’s how friendship is, and there’s nothing wrong with that. That’s why “FAMILY is forever” is the popular saying… bc you really will be in each other’s lives through every season by force LOL.
We ALL encounter different types of friendships throughout life.
The fun ones, serious ones, seasonal ones, ones because you both have kids in the same dance class, neighborly ones, etc… Things change, and we need to be more open and ok with that! Plus, we all have different personalities, capacities, and desires for relationships with people! Like I said before, I have so many siblings, INCREDIBLE parents (2 sets) who both love me, an amazing HUSBAND, a few close friends, and a mentor - so my “deep relationship” meter is pretty full these days. It’s a blessing, but I’d never want someone to feel like I don’t want to be close to them or not have time for them. Does that make sense?
Here’s the whole meaning of this: If you have an expectation of someone, communicate that. If you feel like something has changed, communicate that. If you feel hurt, communicate that. Oh and also, did I mention the word COMMUNICATE? I’ll get into that a little later on though ;)
OK… so what is my point?
You should put family first and you should also have female friendships. We NEED them. God designed us the way He did for a reason. Having female supports in life is life-changing! Trust me! I’ll explain a little more below.
God Made Friendship, Sis
All relationships and connections with others shape you into who you are. The whole “show me your friends and I’ll show you your future” saying is honestly SO TRUE. Let’s not forget the MANY Bible verses that speak about two are better than one, bad company corrupts good character, iron sharpens iron as man sharpens man, encouraging one another, etc… Seriously God made friendship, you guys. So that’s why it is SO IMPORTANT to understand the importance of it. I’ve just seen way too many people get hurt and their defense mechanism is to put up walls and barriers. That is not God’s desire for us if we don’t allow any close connections into our lives. Because when you have them… man oh man. It’s life-changing. These two friends of mine are a great example :)
OK so back to these two ladies… I met them in entirely different seasons of my life and they are both my best friends. They’re the “lasted through the season” type of friends that really become more like sisters. Here’s a few qualities about them that I believe every female needs in their life:
I trust them, respect them, have SO much fun with them, yet can be completely serious and honest without it being awkward. If something hurt me, I have no fear of communicating that. We pray together, encourage one another, laugh and cry together, and just freely be ourselves. I never have to feel judged or shameful around them. They get me and accept me, and I thank God for them constantly!
Be The Friend You Want To Have
I’ll end with this… become the friend you desire to have. Be intentional with your inner-circle and truly love people for who they are. Isn’t that how you’d want to feel? Loved unconditionally, no matter what? Here are my final thoughts:
If you’ve been hurt by females in the past, please learn to forgive them.
A good indicator that you have unforgiveness towards someone is if you think of them or see them & don’t have a good feeling. You know that sinking feeling in your heart? I’m sure you’ve felt that before. I know I have, but I’ve honestly gotten rid of every single one of those feelings towards people (I didn’t think it was possible, but God can do anything!) Please don’t have that with ANYONE. It rots you to your core & doesn’t help anyone. You’re not protecting yourself from future hurt, you’re hindering yourself from future connections like these. Just please don’t let past hurts stop you from future friendships.
If you are curious why you’ve drifted from someone or feel like someone is upset with you, TALK ABOUT IT WITH THEM!
It’s so funny how a simple convo could clear up so much doubt & unanswered questions. Most of the time, it’s nothing personal and it’s just the season you guys are in. But how will you ever know if you never reach out & COMMUNICATE? What if something happened and you have no idea? OR what if you’re assuming something happened and you never actually ask? Don’t let lies creep into your head, don’t leave any room for misunderstanding through miscommunication, and please don’t let the lack of knowledge about a situation make you feel any type of rejection or resentment towards someone. It’s way better to bite the bullet and bring it up in a conversation. Don’t be worried about the response or possible answer… you’re only in charge of what YOU do - so care enough to bring it up. Those convos are always the best because they bring healing, one way or another!
No one is perfect, my friend.
Especially females (don’t tell any men I said that)… We’re ALL in progress. We’re ALL emotional beings that do things without thinking of others sometimes. I just want to encourage you to be humble and caring enough to admit your faults, confident enough to have the tough & uncomfortable convos, and loyal enough to be the friend you wanna have! It may seem easier to ignore the pain or confusion & just pretend you’ve drifted, but trust me when I say IT IS NOT!
Not only do YOU need friendships with females, but other females need YOU!
Can I just be the first to say that having females ENCOURAGE you in life is one of the most confidence-boosting things ever? I mean, I’m not a psychologist, but getting cheered on by my mom & sisters & friends is just the best. And getting encouragement throughout life (instead of feeling insecure or judged or feeling like someone is jealous) is such a FREEING and life-giving feeling. Not only do YOU need friendships with females, but other females need YOU!
That’s pretty much it. I have SO much more I could say, but if you’ve made it this far… congratulations. Go be a great friend to someone, be open to having great friends yourself, and never forget that you matter - so being healed, healthy, and whole is going to impact everyone around you! :)
